As expected, the morning brings additional details about Cole Hamels' "altercation" injury. The story and Hamels's attitude sounds like something ripped from the pages of the Celebrity/Athlete Handbook for Post-Altercation Media Spin. It appears the fight was brought on by the intoxication of others, Hamels was doing the all in right things, performing as designated driver for his group and the fight began in an ambush, with Hamels's injury taking place as he was defending a friend, yada yada. We also get Handbook quotes from Hamels like, "I'm definitely mad at myself," "I definitely learned a lesson," "I can't bury myself with this mishap," and of course, the obligatory soundbyte to reassure us of his character, "I'll be ready April 4," which is of course several weeks earlier than his surgeons are projecting.
Sure, those quotes are nice, except for the last one. Cole, just do as you are told and don't rush it. The last thing we need is for Hamels to come back too soon and re-injure the hand or inflict another injury by compensating for the hand itself.
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I can't help but think this injury was brought on by The Berks Phillies Fan, who just yesterday was lamenting that there is very little baseball news for the media or bloggers to use. On this day, Groundhog Day, you just shouldn't mess with karma.
Disclosure: The BPF could not be reached for comment (actually, I didn't try).
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Update: Shallow Center blames the Phillies for not having a Crash Davis to Hamels's Nuke LaLoosh-like tendencies.
Update II: I knew it all sounded too convenient. Clearwater police are questioning Hamels's veracity.
